Just as US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had landed at Belfast International Airport today, it was reported that she had come under fire from Loyalist gunmen.
'Man, it was scarey!', she said, from the famous Delusions Hotel, 'bullets were flying everywhere, but we're Americans, so kinda knew nothing about these loyal people. Who are they, anyway? Are they part of the IRA?'
This is not the first time Mrs. Clinton has been shot at by snipers, in fact every time she travels round the world she gets attacked by them. 'It's, you know, like they're sort of following me around', she said, as a doctor changed the dressing on her injured memory, 'but I thought that if we said something dumb and childish like 'peace process', and 'the United States is committed to helping you on your journey', they'd quit and leave me alone. But no.'
When it was pointed out that rather than helping Irish peace Americans have single-handedly caused war there for over 30 years, by funding the Provisional IRA and INLA, she had a memory relapse and had to be rushed straight to the Royal Hospital for Visiting Clowns.
'War on terror, roadmap to peace', she muttered in the back of her St. Obama's ambulance, 'peace process, simple simon says, yes we can, read my lips ...', and passed into a americanian cretinus moronic coma.
On hearing of the attack, Provisional Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams said: 'It's just as well those boys weren't ours, or they'd have got her properly. By blowing up the entire airport, killing every man, woman and child there. In the name of a united Ireland and peace, of course. And thanks for all the guns and bombs, Hillary.'
Eamonn Devalera is turning in his grave.