US President Barack Obama today said he was 'honored' to receive the Nobel War Prize.
'I admit it is something of a surprise to win this', he said from Washington DC, 'like when Yasser Arafat received it, as I've not done a great deal for war yet. OK, I've continued to arm two of the worst fascist regimes in world history - Israel and Saudi Arabia - and naturally kept quiet about the Israelis practicing genocide on the Palestinian civilian population, so that sure helped warfare along a bit.'
'And I've reneged on my promise to withdraw US troops from Iraq, so maybe that persuaded the judges to decide on giving me the Nobel War Prize. So thanks anyway, guys, I hope I can repay your faith in me by committing more troops and weapons to parts of the world that need nice civil wars, and need to be destabilised. All dressed up as 'policing the world', hahahahaha!'
Barack Hussein Obama is slowly turning into exactly what cynics assumed he would when he was elected - a token, going back on his promises and achieving nothing whatsoever for the USA or the world, and making endless speeches implying something wonderful is going on around his Presidency. It isn't, and it won't be.
And even he was almost embarrassed by the award. 'Man, for once I was sort of stuck for words', he admitted, 'with so many US-backed leaders mass-murdering people across the world, it kinda caught me off guard. But like I said, I hope to repay the Nobel guys with plenty of death and destruction in the Middle East.'
'We Americans could sure easily win the Nobel Great Satan Prize, for all our work with Israel, the Saudis, Latin American fascists, Russian gangsters - the list is endless! OK, need to go to my practicing sounding like a caring, left-wingish, liberal, apple pie sort of wonderful guy lessons, before phoning up Ehud Olmert and asking him when he wants his next consignment of tanks and jets, to use on harmless civilians in Gaza. Byeeeee!'
The Nobel War Prize will be renamed the Nobel Farce Prize next year.