Reports are coming in that the mighty US state of West 'By God' Virginia, immortalised in the cheesy pop classic 'Take Me Home Country Road' by Olivia Newton John appears to be reeling under an invasion of killer kittens.
State Governor, Tex Fitts, announced from his palatial Charleston colonial mansion to stunned reporters:
"We are not, as yet considering declaring a state of emergency, although we do acknowledge that we have a serious problem. The trouble started right here in Charleston when a kitten was sighted pointing a Mannlicher carbine rifle from an upper window of the local book depository, scoping out the President of Oprah's book club. Fortunately, no shots were fired, and a kitten was spotted on a concrete knoll opposite reportedly toting an AK47, but fled the scene. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem."
Killer kitten incidents were reported across the state, and the small town of Glory Hole was terrorised by a gang of biker kittens Friday. The kittens took over a local bar, and in one incident stuffed the local Police Chief into a garbage bin, head first. One kitten was sighted drunkenly marauding a shopping mall weilding a monkey wrench and offering to fight everybody.
Also reported was a kitten with a switchblade in the hamlet of Buck Nekkid, which attempted to salaciously undress by force a local housewife who was unloading groceries from a station wagon.
A neighbour, identified as Frankie the J told us:
"These kitties is gettin' outa line. When the one with the switchblade threatened my neighbour, Missy Brestess and demanded she show her hooters, I realised somethin' has to be done. We can't allow these killer kitties to take over our sacred 'By God' state."
State authorities advised citizens to squirt cold water at any kitten seen behaving in an unruly manner.
"They don't like cold water," an official told us. "It puts the squits up 'em."
More kitty cat related quackery as we get it.