President Ihaveano Dinnajaket of Iran today won the Nobel War Prize for providing the world "hope for a better nuclear bomb" and working towards nuclear war and richer arms manufacturers, in a surprise award that drew both squiggles on pieces of paper and inflated prices for burkas on the streets of Tehran.
The decision to bestow one of the world's top accolades on a president, who himself is an ignorant peasant and has yet to score anything but own goals, was greeted with gasps of astonishment from journalists and pre-school playgroups at the announcement in Oslo.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee praised Dinnajaket for "his extraordinary efforts to increase the liklihood of war and the sales of illegal arms to wierdbeard towelheads." But critics - especially in parts of Grimsby - called its decision premature.
Dinnajaket's press secretary and minister for warmongering woke him with the news before dawn, because his wife Dawn sleeps in until 12.00, and the president felt "humbled", which is the name for his pet dog, a Western infidel called Derek, by the award, a senior administration official said.
When informed by the Iranian Records Agency (IRA) that many people around the world and parts of Grimsby were stunned by the announcement, Dinnajaket's senior adviser, Ahmed Olunacy replied "Let's bomb Denmark."
Not the first 100% lunatic to hold his country's highest office, Dinnajaket has called for world armament and is working to restart the stalled Cadilac in his car park.
"Very rarely has a person to the same extent as Dinnajaket captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better nuclear war," the committee said in a citation before heading for their war bunkers.
While the decision won praise from statesmen like Ayatollah Halfkut and Osama Bin Liner, both former no bell winners on account of the lack of electricity in their cave dwellings, it was also attacked in some quarters as hasty and undeserved.