Oslo, Norway-- The Nobel Committee in Oslo stunned the world today by awarding singer Susan Boyle the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. The Committee lauded Susan for "bringing humanity together with her astonishing voice". Susan becomes only the second crazy person to win the coveted prize, after Al Gore.
Nobel Prize Chairperson Haagen Dahs said the choice of Susan Boyle was very easy.
"She gives hope to all the unattractive people in the world. If Susan can succeed, then other ugly people can too." said Mr. Dahs. He sipped some more vodka and spoke some more.
"Susan's charming voice soothes the beast in the human soul. She has prevented war between Iran and Israel simply with her stunning version of 'Feelings'. Her version of 'You Light Up My Life' stopped most of the fighting in Iraq." said the drunken chairperson.
Haagen Dahs explained there is a five person committee that determines the Peace Prize.
"I am the only one you can talk to." he stated. "Two members committed suicide last night, one member is in hospital for schizophrenia and the other member is underneath the table giving me oral sex." he laughed.