Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

image for Ireland's 'Celtic Tiger Economy' Now in the Crapper: School Kids Told to Bring Own TP to Class!
Irish School Kids Told If You Want to Take a Dump, Bring Your Own TP!

County Cork,Ireland/ Public School Hygienic News - The population of Ireland, riding on high economic times since the beginning of their self proclaimed "Celtic Tiger Economy" in 1995 peaking in 2007, are now faced with the reality that the boom days have turned to 'shit' according to school superintendent Molly McFarland who heads up the all girls vocational artist school named after international artist Bob Ross.

McFarland, noting the budget restraints imposed on her educational facility by the ruling government, felt impelled to send a note home to all parents with budding artists enrolled at the school, to bring a roll of toilet paper in order to help cut costs.

"Things are so bad, " McFarland wailed, " we've had to sell off the pet rabbits and gold fish in the class rooms we used to keep the kiddies calm. There's some talk we may be reduced to producing our own water colors from four leaf clovers, and mixing them with the dew scrapped off the pitch field!"

"If things don't get any better, we'll be forced to shit in our own hat, and wipe our arse with pages torn out of Bob's Instruction manual on cloud painting!"

It seems like only yesterday that 'the troubles' were over and every Irishman was driving a freshly imported BMW, working 4 days a week installing computer chips, and importing Japanese Beef by the Ton. Some , it was said, were even returning care packages to their relatives in Boston and New York in the form of high valued Euros, and there was more than the occasional automatic weapon or revolver returned as well.

Fergus McCarthy, a tenured instructor at the school, said he was forced to rely on a former friend now located in Thailand to keep him supplied with cheap endangered Monkey Haired Fan brushes as he could no longer afford the brushes supplied under the Bob Ross Franchise Agreement he had signed just 2 short years ago.

McCarthy, besides being an artist of the old master's school, said he had seen it coming as early as 1997. "I told them blighters they best be drillin' for that black gold and not dabblin' in that computer shit. But no, even after the Silicone Valley bust the daft bastards couldn't see nonnit. Look at Norway...same population as us, best place to live in a recent global poll, and they banked all that money to take care of their people for life!"

Fergus continued," Thinkin' about moving there meself...got to study up on painting snow and fjords though, old Bob was more into palm trees and such, but I do think they have their share of log cabins up there....and Trolls...yes, Trolls...got to learn to draw some Trolls!"

Fergus said he was off to the pub to do some preliminary Troll studies and pencil sketches when we waved goodbye, his last words being, "Bye the way, if you run into Tony Blair, tell him to SOD OFF!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 plus 2?

6 9 7 15
86 readers are online right now!

Go to top