Vatican - (Crucifiction): A top notch cardinal has caused near schism by claiming the next Pope 'could well be a Catholic'.
Nigh on seventy years since Russian fugitive from justice Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin became Hitler's Pope Pius XII the Vatican is hopeful of a miracle.
Current incumbent Pope Gregory XVI traces his direct DNA descent into madness to Pius XII, who started World War II 'for the sheer hell of it'.
Cold war hysterians reckon Pius suffered an inferiority complex for not being credited with starting World War I as well.
The accreditation was thwarted by Russian Orthoducks Patriarch Lenin XV following a turf war in the Arian Youth movement.
The next Vatican conclave meets on Halloween.