Vatican City, Saturday (Rioters) - As the temperature soared in Italy yesterday the Pope launched his annual mid-summer tirade against women after a delegation from the Curia bemoaning the lack of prostitutes on the streets of Rome called on His Wholesomeness to do something for the legions of frustrated Italian males who cannot get it at home or on in the country's red light districts.
"I blame strong, opinionated women who are bankrupting the Holy Mother Church worldwide with their baseless accusations of paedophile cover ups going back fifty years and more.
"These politically-motivated lesbians are trying to destroy the very foundations of our society by withholding marital relations from their husbands, who then have to trawl the streets looking for suitable alternatives to intercourse with their wives.
"And by infiltrating the brothels of Europe, the very bastion of Catholic family life is being shamefully destroyed now that hookers and call girls no longer want to service the customers who traditionally succour their existence with their regular patronage.
"Just you wait until Peter Mandelson becomes UK Commissioner at the EU! That'll teach them!"
The Pope was alluding to the forthcoming arrival in Brussels of the Labour Party rent boy and WMD mastermind who has vowed to wipe the European slate clean of any historical evidence of the Catholic Church's collusion with Nazis, Communists, the Bush family via the Riggs Bank and international traffickers in infantile rape and torture.
Mandelson is known to have accepted President Bush's remit of fearlessly destroying covert lesbian circles in Europe that are currently accredited with getting up the Pope's nose in the US where financial oblivion faces the Catholic coffers in key swing-seat states in the run up to the presidential elections in November.
In addition to Bush's personal blessing, Mandelson is believed to have been promised the UK's Order of the Garter by premier Tony Blair if he can whitewash all known State Documents held in European countires' archives that corroborate evidence under the UK's Official Secrets Act that show the Cold War contribution of the Catholic Church in hiring convicted sex offenders to bomb mainland UK under the brand name of "Provisional IRA", "IRA" and "Assorted IRA" etc.
There is no response as yet by feminist commentators to the Papal tirade issued after the doubling of the Pontifical medication by concerned medical staff treating the aged John Paul, but a suitable reply may be delivered as early as next week when hundreds of US mothers begin their support testimony in the American law courts currently suing the Church for $$$$$$$$$$$$s for years of abusing their sons and daughters.