Written by Alibanger Wanger
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Topics: God

Friday, 2 October 2009

image for Validator of the World found - Not God!

The person who has been validating everything out there in your life has finally been found, and it's not God, as everyone expected.

It's that person on your Facebook page you always check out not because you are truly friends with them or really like them, but out of sheer curiosity and desire to compare your own life to theirs in the hopes that your life is going better.

"It's interesting that it turned out to be that idiot from Facebook, because people tend to believe they are validated by something higher than themselves, whether it be God, politicians, celebrities, the police, or whatever," explains behavioral psychologist Dave Kellburn. "But what people often fail to see is that when we compare ourselves to other idiots on social networking sites, we are using them to validate our existence. In using people more like ourselves, we are evening out the validation playing field, which is actually a good thing."

This comes as no surprise to Facebook. The entity has known for a long time that the idiot on your Friends list is replacing God as the mighty validator for many people in the world, and it is perfectly fine with that. In fact, Facebook is a lot more efficient and organized than Religion, which is why it may be a better provider of validators than originally thought by researchers.

"Facebook is more humanitarian than religion is," explains Kellburn. "Instead of answering prayers with vague insight and charlatan chicken scratch, Facebook answers people's problems and feelings of lack with Google Ads." And it is very knowing. It pays close attention to the needs of its askers and sends google ads according to what insecurities require validation for each person. These ads, in turn, provide members with a real solution to their insecurities, and it's as easy as a mouse click.

Facebook is so enthusiastic to be replacing Religion, in fact, that it is working with a team of experts to formulate an application that measures validation.

"Basically, at any given time you can check on your validation meter to see how you compare to other Facebook members. There will be many measures of success in the areas of monetary wealth, property owned, bodily weight, cute offspring, and romantic relationships" explains Margaret Mern, application executive at Facebook headquarters.

"You will be assigned a number on the meter, and from that you will be able to set reasonable goals and always know your validation by where you stand on the validation meter. Google ads will always be by your side to offer you clickable solutions to help increase your validation. It's like the new Bible."

Facebook is more than pleased to be putting together a measure of validation, because humans already behave as though one exists. To finally put a number to it will provide thousands of members with a tangible gauge from which to base their self worth.

The Validation Meter will be downloadable in Early 2010, just in time for New Years resolutions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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