Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 2 October 2009

image for German tabloid "Die Bild Zeitung" predicts the end of the world!
The "Krauts" are always right, hopefully this time their pissed out of their brains, it is "Bier Fest" time after al!

In a front page headline shocker article, German tabloid newspaper "Die Bild Zeitung" has proudly announced Doomsday is upon us, the end of the world is nigh and the Germans are always right, Sieg Heil!

This "angst" making headline was in today's issue and 60 million Krauts started boarding up their windows, locking up their Mercedes and BMW's, getting pissed out of their brains in Munich at the Oktoberfest on lovely German Pils and generally preparing to go "Kaputt!!!"

The reasons for this doomsday warning are recent earthquakes, tsunamis, typhoons, global flooding, global warming, predicted volcanic mega-outbursts, etc, etc!

The normally smiling, laughing, joking Germans are taking these warnings very serious (unknown word in the German vocabulary especially in october!) and preparations for the big bang are reaching hysteric levels!

They are even contemplating withdrawing their ever conquering footy team from next year's world cup in "Zuid Afrika" because of "angst" that Mount Kilimanjero might turn volcanic and explode!

"Die Bild Zeitung" usually comes up with such "angst" making headlines and you can be assured The Sun in the UK will follow suit!

Serious global observers and scientists, although not committing themselves to such wild predictions, have all become "Born Again Christians" and are begging God (who?) for forgiveness for their sins!

The Germans meanwhile don't give a "Scheisse" (shit in English!) they're all getting thouroughly pissed!!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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