Written by Rodd Justice
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Thursday, 4 April 2002

image for Employers Fear Terrible Weapons
Unsuccessful candidates

Employers have been forced to adapt to the new threat of weapons of mass destruction being employed in their firm. A recent Graduate Employment test has incorporated a test to prevent nuclear, chemical or biological weapons from being inadvertently employed, only then to murder thousands within weeks of employment.

GRADUATE EMPLOYMENT PERSONALITY TEST
Please answer as honestly and quickly as possible. If you are unsure of an answer, just choose the one that you feel suits you best. You have 15 minutes.

1) Would you, or have you ever been, used against a suppressed people by

Saddam Hussain?
a) Yes.
b) No.
c) Do Americans count?

2) In past work experience, have you ever been sent to Senator Dachele?
a) Yes.
b) I should be so lucky - the furthest I got sent was to the coffee machine.
c) Taleban, Taleban, Taleban!

3) Have you ever been carried under the arm of an AK-47 wielding Saudi?
a) Yes.
b) Yes, but I'm a smuggled barrel of oil, mate - what do you expect?!?!?
c) God willing, I will bring down the infidel with my explosiveness.

4) Would you consider yourself a good team-player?
a) Yes.
b) Sometimes.
c) I'll kill the team by asphyxiation.

5) When confronted by a problem, are you:
a) Excited.
b) Intimidated.
c) Explosive.

6) What do you think makes a good leader?
a) Initiative.
b) Drive.
c) Turban, beard, engineering degree, inheritance, Afghan training camps, kidney problems, mental ideas about Islam.

7) Please state your racial origin (for Equal Opportunities purposes):
a) White.
b) Black.
c) Asian.
d) Anthrax.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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