Today the US government relaxed it hold over the internet which slipped through their fingers and smashed into a million pieces on the floor.
The accident happened as the Director for Worldland Internetery complained that his hand had cramp from keeping such a tight grip.
A White House staff member who refused to be named told us, "When he attempted to change hands, his fingers spasmed and the Internet just dropped!
"Everything went into slow motion as the DoWI, his dog Barney, the President, myself, and 15 White House security staff all dived to catch it.
"As it hit the floor it bounced once, twice, then exploded in a shower of data!"
The President is reported to have called the DoWI a "Fucking Idiot" before issuing a kill order on Barney who had begun to lick up the fragments."
Unfortunately Barney was able to avoid getting shot by running between the security staff and creating a crossfire; killing everyone except the dog, the President, the Director for Worldland Internetery and our source.
"As President Obama went for the nearest gun, both the DoWI and Barney leapt through the nearest window to escape but it was pointless since the gun was already empty."
White House cleaning staff were called to sweep the pieces up and a basement CIA worker with no social skills outside World of Warcraft has been tasked with repairing the Internet.
So far, 20 percent of the Internet has been lost and the other 80 percent is 40 percent glued back together.
The Director of Worldland Internetery and Barney lived through the ordeal but due to their injuries, they had to be sewn together to share their remaining organs.
Fortunately, TheSpoof.com is completely intact.