Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for "Tsunami" Has So. Californians Reaching for Their Dictionaries
So far, things are looking pretty calm. No sign of a Tsunami...I mean Tidal Wave yet.

Venice Beach, California - Costal Southern Californians are reaching for their dictionaries looking up the word "Tsunami" or typing it into google right now, because enlightened longhaired suffer types persuaded their local representatives that coastal cities would look way hipper if they posted signs that read: "This Way to the Tsunami Evacuation Center" rather than something more familiar like: "This Way to the Tidal Wave Evacuation Center."

"It sounded so cool at the time," admitted Woody Johnson, one of few original remaining Venice Beach residents, while he calmly unlocked his beach cruiser bicycle outside his small one bedroom bungalow, as people run up and down the streets with dictionaries in hand looking up the word Tsunami.

"I guess the trouble is that most of the residents of Venice Beach are not locals anymore," continued Johnson as his new neighbors scramble to pack all their material possessions into their Hummer. "They live here, but they're not really apart of the Southern California culture and lifestyle. They just got the boo coo bucks it takes to buy a house around here now."

As Johnson gets on his bicycle carrying only a small backpack and his surfboard headed in the opposite direction of his neighbors, he stops to tell them that they are going the wrong way.

"Hey, man," said Johnson to his rich newbie neighbors idling in traffic just a few feet out of their driveway. "You're headed the wrong way. Just go in the direction I'm going and you'll be all right. Oh, and lose the suburban assault vehicle, will you? Not just because you're leaving a carbon imprint the size of the Grand Canyon, but because you'll drown in traffic before you get to your first green light trying to get to out of here in that thing."

"Get away from me you beach bum!" replied Johnson's neighbor as he rolled up his car window and continued honking his horn, idling in traffic.

"Oh well, I tried," said Johnson as he paddled away on his bike. "Just the natural selection process of Mother Nature thinning the herd, I guess. Never expected she'd take the form of a Tsunami though. She's so unpredictable. I like that in a chick."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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