Vatican City-- The Catholic Church now forbids erections on Sundays for all men over the age of eighteen. The new Papal Decree--officially called the Hardonicus Stopicus was issued by Pope Benedict XVI today. It is believed to be the most controversial papal decree since the birth-control decision of 1968.
The pope spoke very sternly about the decree and gave a few brief comments to members of the press.
"God rested on the Sabbath, and so must all men." said the pontiff. "An erection on Sunday is an abomination to the Lord." he stated.
When the pope was asked what Catholic men could do to avoid erections, the pope had some suggestions.
"Think of the Virgin Mary. Think of Mother Theresa. Just close your eyes and think of England. If any of that doesn't work, then just throw some holy water on it. That's what I do." said his Holy Nuttiness.
When the pope was then asked why women were exempted from the decree, the pope looked puzzled.
"Women don't have sex organs." lectured the pope. "There is nothing on a women's body to get erect." he said. "I should know." he said mysteriously.
The pope was then interrupted by howls of laughter from the men and women of the press corp. Even all the nuns attending the press conference burst out laughing. The pontiff frowned, and left the stage with a beet-red face.