Written by Frank Miller
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Topics: India, elephant

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

image for Elephant charges crowd at Hindu ceremony
Cough up or I'll step on your face!

Southern India: An elephant participating in a Hindu ceremony today surprised everyone by suddenly charging. Several people were injured in the confusion.

Eye witnesses claim that the elephant began demanding 100,000 Rupees per person to watch him perform.

The Elephant apparently couldn't tolerate the loud ringing bells and insisted that to continue would damage his hearing. He was also unsatisfied with his costume which made him look like a girl and was annoyed at having things thrown at him.

"The bells!" He was reported as shouting, "I can't take the fucking bells! That's it, you want more? You're going to have to dig really deep! I want 1 Lac from each of you!" His trunk pointed at a young reveller whose party was suddenly over, "cough up!"

A bystander said, "Each person who claimed they couldn't pay was told to fuck off by the elephant! In the panic, many people simply fell over themselves to get away, I mean what would you do if a pissed off fully grown elephant demanded money then told you to fuck off?"

After several minutes the elephant was brought under control and compromised at 100 Rupees per person over the age of 13, anyone younger for free.

Those who still refused were told to fuck off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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