Earlier today, its Royal Ugliness Pigcess Spahr (the three millionth) was coronated. The ceremony took place in the royal rathouse a.k.a. the shed. Many celebrities attended the event, including Priscara, the smelly queen of Mouseland, and the royal duchess of Fartiland.
Unfortunately for her royal highness, now named Spahr Queen of the Teets, a masked murderer, at least we hope it was a mask, came in and brutally killed the queen's uncle, Uncle Monty, by stepping on him.
Before the press were told to leave I managed to hear the newly ordained queen exclaim "No! Not uncle Monty, who will power the TV in my room?!" She immediately burst out laughing only to be comforted by Priscara's breath which knocked her out, leaving a green stain in her teeth.
As we all know, the traditional way to choose a queen in by asking each candidate to eat 20 rat-cakes filled with over 2 toumans in each one. However, this year the queen was selected by a spitting contest.
The candidates are given a white piece of gum and they must chew for a minute. The gum which has undergone the most colour change wins.
The vigorous test began. But IRH won with her white piece of gum going completely brown and black.
Three cheers for the queen of the teets - huzzah!