Written by Frank Miller
Print this
Topics: Obesity, Cocaine, Austria

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Riddle of the Obese woman and the missing drug dealer finally solved
Another use for flour, a soft flour tortilla wrap.

Helga Schmidt, a 1.5 tonne dead woman from Austria has helped solve the mystery of a missing Innsbruck man when a recent examination of her 5 year old corpse showed that she didn't die alone.

The amazing X-ray images show the body of a man who had become trapped in her rolls of flesh.

Ms Schmidt from Innsbruck was found dead, covered in 15 kilograms of cocaine believed to belong to her boyfriend Klaus Verner, a known drug dealer at the time. The actual circumstances of her death were unknown.

Verner was reported missing shortly after Schmidt's death and Detective Inspector Otto Schmidt was the investigating officer for both cases.

He is now able to confirm the facts.

DI Schmidt (no relation) says, "It seems Ms Schmidt was preparing for imminent sex with Verner and realised she had run out of flour; she panicked. She covered herself in bags of white powder that Verner had hidden under her re-enforced bed.

"We believe that as she thrashed around, Verner returned from the toilet and was overcome by clouds of cocaine. He passed out and was engulfed by Ms Schmidt who died minutes later."

Schmidt concluded the only logical explanation but needed permission to exhume her body, after 5 years he had permission from the European court.

"It's not so amazing that the original autopsy didn't find him, her extreme size made a detailed examination impossible." Schmidt concludes, "We all like sex with the fat ladies but for Verner, not having any flour to find the wet spot was his undoing."

Make Frank Miller's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 1?

4 16 24 1
63 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more