London-- Queen Elizabeth II was proud to give a tour of the little-known Turd Palace in a prime-time special for the Beeeeb last night. The Turd Palace houses every single turd produced by the Queen during her life. It is said to contain over 85,000 turds, all of them decorated with the finest jewelery. The Turd Palace is the reason the Queen needs a bigger allowance.
The Turd Palace contains over 500 rooms and is bigger than Versailles. Turds produced by the Queen are quickly covered with acrylic to preserve their lustre and beauty forever. The turds are all decorated with custom-made little gold crowns and little diamond necklaces. Over half the diamonds in the world are said to be in the Turd Palace.
The Queen takes great pleasure in naming all her little turds. She likes to name at least one turd a day after either Charles or Diana.
Recently, the Queen alerted the government that she needs more money. Taxes are to be raised on ale and chips, just so the Queen can expand her turd display. No one in Britain seems to care!
Her Majesty if very fond of all the turds and visits them at least 10 times a day. She talks with them and sings them little songs, or sometimes she just breaks down and weeps in front of them. She is as mad as a hatter!