Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Topics: Baby

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Giant Indonesian Baby May Reach "Terrible Twos" Stage in Matter of Days
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Kisaran, Indonesia - The body of the mother of a giant Indonesian baby was discovered in her house in a mummified state today, just days after she gave a caesarian birth to a 19.2 pound 24.4 inch baby boy and released from the hospital.

"Despite our dire warnings," said one of ten the pediatricians that assisted in the 48-hour long delivery. "It appears the mother went ahead and attempted to breastfeed the titan tot."

Villagers stumbled on the dehydrated corpus after hearing a crashing sound coming from the newborn's house. As they approached the front door, they found a gapping hole instead.

"The edges outlined the shape of a giant baby," said a villager. "Just like the ones in those cartoons."

As the villagers hesitantly entered the home they found the living room in a shambles with all the furniture destroyed. Either chewed, spat or soiled on.

"We called out for the mother and child but no one answered," said another villager.

To the disbelief of the villagers, there on the broken couch, lay an emaciated and expired body of a topless unidentified woman.

"It must have been the mother," said a villager. "At least she looked like a mummy. Her body was completely drained of all fluids. And her breasts look like a pair of deflated balloons."

"No, no," argued another villager. "They looked more like pita bead that had been sat upon by an elephant balancing another elephant on his head and then pounded into the ground by a pneumatic hammer for over two hours, each."

Authorities followed a pair of giant baby foot tracks outside the village to a nearby dairy farm where they came across a field of cow carcasses all dehydrate and mummified.

"They were turned over on their sides with their udders chewed on like the ends of plastic straws," said the prefecture's constable. "So it appears the baby is continuing to grow at an accelerated rate outside the womb as well."

Local authorities, working in conjunct with child development psychologists, hope to track down the giant baby before it reaches the "Terrible Twos" stage of its unnatural overdevelopment.

"Otherwise," said a constable as he loaded up his elephant gun. "We may have no choice but to use lethal force to stop it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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