"We didn't do it. It wasn't us," was the overwhelming response from writers for satirical website TheSpoof.com when they were collectively accused of just about everything bad that has ever happened in the world.
"I wasn't even born when the Battle of Hastings took place," Skoob told us. "I have had battles in Hastings but they weren't related in any way to 1066. I never fired no arrows at King Harold, much less hit him in the eye. If them Bayeux Tapestry people think they caught me on CCTV then they're sadly mistaken."
BuckwheatsButt admitted that he was on that grassy knoll in 1963, but denied being a shooter. He told us:
"I saw Kennedy recoil from the impact. I saw his brains spattered all over the place, but I was unarmed at the time. I saw some guy with a clown wig on but thought nothing of it at the time. I didn't kill Kennedy. I was actually quite horrified."
Spoof writer Morse emphatically denied any responsibility for the death of Nelson.
"I wasn't at Trafalgar," he told us. "People are trying to hang that one on me, but I didn't do it. I may have once captained a pirate ship, but I certainly didn't kill Nelson."
Spoof writer Abel Rodriguez was horrified to find he'd been implicated in the shooting of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
"I didn't do that," he told us. "I wasn't even born. Mind you, I'd have no hesitation about shooting a chupacabra. But I never shot Butch Cassidy. Or the Sundance Kid."
Spoof writer Jalapenoman emphatically denied any involvement whatsoever in the Great Fire Of London's Arse, when too many people ate too much chilli sauce and almost caused the city to seize up because of burning rings of fire the morning after.
"I love chillis" the J_Man told us. "That's perfectly reasonable. But I reiterate here that I had nothing to do with the Great Fire Of London's Arse. Quite honestly, here in New Mexico, we don't give a shit what happens in old London town."
More from Spoof writers accused of various silly stuff as we get it.