In a telephone conversation with a local TV reporter, God informed his loyal fans that he has had enough and is leaving town.
"It was that last thing, you know, the War. I just can't watch anymore. People just can't go around killing each other. It never works. Nobody is learning anything from the past. Like a bunch of morons, people keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome. In the words of my mother, "People, use your brains".
When asked what he plans to do, he replied, "I'm going to retire, I'm getting too old for this deity crap. I go to bed feeling rotten and wake up feeling the same way. It's so depressing. Ask my kid, he'll tell you". (He was apparently referring to Jesus.)
"No one listens to me anymore, so I'm taking my angels and going home. Call Buddha, I think he's still available. No one has done to him what they have done to me!"
When asked what he meant by that, he said, "Well, let's just take a look at the whole body-image thing. Every religion has me built up as a different guy. One said I'm a spirit, the other, three Gods in me. Sometimes I'm a man, sometimes a woman. I could be black, I could be white, and the list goes on and on. Buddha, on the other hand, is an Asian, fat guy, who's mother dresses him funny, no one disputes that, and Allah, hell, no one touches his image. They don't know what I go through. My kid will still be around. He can help out when things get bad, although I don't know why he should, the way he's been treated!" (Again, he was referring to Jesus.)
He further explained that he doesn't want his name used in defense of any false causes.
"In the Name of God this, in the Name of God that. Where do they get off? I should sue! I never gave them permission to do anything in my name. I've been so misrepresented it's pathetic, and that Bible, so much sex and violence, half on that stuff never happened. It just didn't."
"So, I did talk through a few burning bushes, I admit that. But people back then, were easily amused. I could get them to listen. Now, I'm competing with Hollywood. They see a talking bush, it doesn't even faze them!"
"To tell you the truth, I can't out-do the special effects that they have these days. What do you need me for anyway, I gave you everything and look what you've done with it, you even broke my plates!" (Referring to the Ten Commandments.)
The reporter then asked for any parting words and God replied, "Yeah, just cut it out…just cut it all out!"