Washington,DC/ Washington Post Book Review Section - A new accusation by First Lady Michelle Obama has pushed Climate Control, Government Health Care, Cap and Trade and her Victory Garden off the front burner as she reacts to "unwholesome behavior toward my husband by thrill seeking journalists!"
The charges, revealed for the first time in a new book by tabloid biographer Beverly 'smutty' Telltalle, said the first lady was 'ballistic' after continued groping of her husband while being interviewed by liberal journalists, "who couldn't seem to get close enough to him, and grope his package!"
The new book, "Barry & The Jealous Witch, Portrait of an Afro-American Marriage' is being distributed through ACORN, the President's tax funded marketing team for $19.95 plus shipping and handling.
Apparently the First Lady's anger boiled to the surface after a recent live interview conducted jointly by Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews where both jockeyed for position, and appear to "bump' the president while trying to get his attention.
The President was quoted as saying to the First Lady as he rejoined her in the armored convey leaving the station, "Jesus, I wish they'd stop grabbing my ass!"
Michelle, her jealousy long noted regarding her husband, is said to have replied tersely, " You just love it...you're a man, aren't you!" before lapsing into a sullen silence said to have lasted for 10 days.
"These people should just get a life," Michelle reportedly said, " and stop putting their private cell phone numbers in his front pants pocket!"
In a more telling passage in the book, it was said that Michelle pulled the strings to send a comely staffer into exile in Martinique after it became noticeable that the President "appeared stiff" whenever the two came into contact at staff meetings. The White House has denied reports that Michelle was behind the moves, that campaign funds were used to relocate the staffer, or that she is carrying the President's baby.
Meanwhile, Olbermann and Matthews responded to the First Lady's charges.
"Look," said Matthews," I'm just thrilled to be around the President, he sends chills up and down my legs just being near him. If I inadvertently patted him on the ass, it was just a locker room thing. Like after you make a great play, you get an ass pat 'atta boy'."
Olbermann was more circumspect. "Listen, "he said,"Barry is a very articulate guy who happens to be the President, and he has a great ass! What's wrong with checkin' it out....he didn't seem to mind the last few times I did it!"
Michelle was having none of it. On a statement issued through her spokesman, Van Jones, the first lady said," this is just another episode of racism...we all know white people are always trying to get in the pants of us black folks. Let me tell ya' boys, it ain't all it's cracked up to be!"
The First Couple have just celebrated 17 years of interesting marital bliss.