San Fransisco CA - Incredible news is breaking today about the remarkable past of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Computer enhanced photography and voice analysis identifies Ms. Pelosi as someone else. She is Eva Braun, from Schitzberg, Germany--otherwise known as Mrs. Adolf Hitler!
It was always thought Nancy was much older than she looked. Eva Braun was born in 1912, making 'Nancy' ninety-seven years old. Gallons of botox, a cheap wig from the Dollar Store and millions of dollars spent on plastic surgery lets Nancy pass for ninety-six.
Eva Braun never killed herself during the closing days of WWII. She was kidnapped by a Soviet general and spent the next 30 years as his wife in Moscow. Her political views easily shifted from Fascism into Communism. She joined the KGB in the 1960's and then seems to have disappeared.
Nancy Pelosi appeared in San Fransisco sometime during the early '70's. Her political views once again easily shifted from Communism into Liberalism. Nancy ran for a local office, and the rest is history.
Nancy still misses her first husband very much. She has devoted her life and career to further his fascist goals, whatever the political party label.
Nancy will soon do what all Fascists, Communists and Democrats do. She will betray those nearest to her at the worst possible moment. Nancy will become a Republican. She plans to run for president in 2012 with Sarah Palin as her running mate. She will join forces with a militant Republican Party and she will conquer the world!