PETA organizations worldwide are celebrating the victory of Kevin Skinner, a chicken catcher from Mayfield, Kentucky, who won America's Got Talent, the popular reality television entertainment contest.
PETA, an acronym for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is the largest animal rights organization in the world.
"This is a victory for chickens the world over," said PETA spokeswoman Carol Orpington, wiping away tears of joy. "Not only is there one less chicken catcher on the planet, it will help advance our plans to open the nation's first chicken empathy museum."
PETA is seeking to rent the Botetourt Correctional Center building in Troutville, Virginia, with hopes to mount exhibits of mistreatment of chickens raised for slaughter, as well as displays detailing chickens' habits and intelligence.
Great rejoicing has spread among the international chicken population, with reports of chicken jubilation coming from as far as China, the world leader in chicken production, to the smallest family farms. "My girls have been actin crazy since they announced Kevin's win, peckin and buckin and flappin their wings all night and into the mornin. You can almost see the big grins on their faces," said chicken farmer Amos Wyandotte. "They been high-fivin one another with their wings and poppin them eggs out like they was all Octomoms on steroids."
Similar behavior has been reported in the rest of the world's chickens, with fear that it may cause a glut of eggs on the market. Chicken trend watchers are closely monitoring the situation, as well as worldwide health organizations, which are concerned about the deleterious effect it may have on cholesterol levels among the population.
Wyandotte, who hails from Dublin, Kentucky, the childhood home of Kevin Skinner, told reporters that he and his wife have rooted for Mr. Skinner, despite the affect his win might have on the chicken industry. "Hell, everyone in these here parts has been gunnin for that good ole boy - he's practickly kin! We all git together at the Roosters Roost over in Fancy Farm to wartch. They got one a them plaz, plaz -- big screen Tee Vees," he said, gesturing wide with his hands. "My girls and the rest of us - we're all just puffin our feathers for Kevin," he said, wiping away tears of pride.
Elsewhere, the mood is dark at Kentucky Fried Chicken headquarters in Louisville, Kentucky. "We've lost one of the best," said Harland Sanders III, director of Public Relations for the fast food giant, in a rare moment of candor. "Losing Kevin Skinner will have a disastrous effect on our productivity. We forecast a 1% drop in revenue, which our margins can't afford in the current economic climate," he said. Wiping away tears of misery, he added, "We just may not make it through this one."