Washington DC-- President Obama will give the most remarkable speech of his career tonight to a joint session of Congress. The incredible speech will confirm the existence of UFOs. President Obama plans to release the most Top Secret reports of all, and the news will be "very grim", according to a White House source.
The president will show stunning video clips and present "astonishing" physical evidence during the two-hour speech. Horrifying military clips of UFOs shooting down airliners and vivisecting humans will be included. The president will bring a collection of gruesome anal probes that aliens use on their helpless victims. He will shove a 20-foot anal probe into Joe Wilson's ass during the speech to make his point to a shocked nation.
President Obama will make three things perfectly clear to his fellow Americans: UFOs are real, UFOs are evil, and only Barack Obama can fight them.
He will then dissolve Congress, order the arrest of all enemies, and set up a dictatorship "until the threat is over, for all mankind."