The mythical hunt for "Better Than Sex" came to a stunning conclusion this week as Doctor Festival Huntington of the University of Pennsylvania announced he has successfully tracked down the elusive substance deep in the headwaters of the Amazon basin.
Huntington says "For many years expeditions left for the Amazon based on rumours that "Better Than Sex" may be found there and never returned."
"Some say the secret was fiercely guarded by the native Nano Banano tribe or even that explorers were successful in their quest for finding "Better Than Sex" and having come upon it they saw no point in returning to announce their discovery or doing anything else for that matter."
According to Huntington part of the problem was simply tracking down members of the Nano Banano tribe.
"They're devilishly difficult to find as they are few in number and only breed occasionally. When they do it's only by mistake as they bump into each other in the jungle as they are almost totally under the spell of "Better Than Sex"."
Dr. Huntington says he credits his wife Camilla with giving him the intestinal fortitude and iron will required to withstand the hypnotic power of "Better Than Sex" and defends her abilities as a partner.
"She does play a rather good game of bridge you know."