Written by Chinsky McCornstock
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Monday, 14 September 2009

Reporters caught up today with American Idol contestants Adam Lambert and Kris Allen, only to find that they couldn't even sit in the same room together without being able to cut the tension with a knife.

After a long moment of questions followed by silence and nail picking, I decided to take them one at a time to find out what was going on. I started with runner up Adam Lambert, who grew an enormous smile as soon as Allen was escorted out of the room. I asked him some questions and got the juicy details.

"He's so mad at me" Lambert expressed with a big painted smile and a giggle. "I drew on his mirror with my eye-liner"

After a moment of confusion as to why Lambert was hysterical and Allen was so upset, I finally heard an explination.

"It was a hard day. I'd just finished my set on stage, and it was the last show and I wanted to go to my room and relax, only I couldn't find my humidifier. I was paranoid. I wanted to know where it was."

Lambert takes a sip from his water bottle, and continues. "I hate watter bottles" He said "They just remind me of that doorknob.

"So anyway, I went to the bus and was like, to all the other contestants who'd finished their sets, 'Do you know what happened to my humidifier?'"

Allison Iraheta, a close friend to both Lambert and Allen was caught in the middle:

"Oh man, it's so crazy. I'm like, man, why can't you just sit down and take a break. Talk this through, you know? They wont listen to me. I mean, come on man, they're like my older brothers. I can't be caught in this. But they really hate each other right now. Oh man. But we're going to get through this and it's all gunna be good in the end. Or else Im'a have to get out there and bust some caps!... For serious."

Allen, the sweet country boy with a certain charm, took his time to tell his side of the story:

"My throat was a little raw and I wanted to make sure that I sounded good for my fans. I thought, well you know, Adam's a great guy, I'm sure he wouldnt mind if I borrowed his humidifier for a while. I'll just let him know that I took it and I'll give it back to him later. It works really well. I felt awesome up there. It was great"

"You have no idea how important that thing is to me" Lambert stated, leaning in. "No one touches my humidifier. Ever. Nobody touches any of my things without asking me first"

"I guess I was wrong" Allen brought himself to tears.

After hearing their stories and putting them back into the same room, tensions started to flare once again.

"YOU WROTE ON MY MIRROR WITH EYELINER! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO WASH OFF MAKEUP?"

"Yeah, I would. I wear it everyday."

"You suck Adam Lambert! We are no longer Kradam!"

"Kradam was a game. It was a joke. I hated Kradam."

The argument didn't get far before reporters were so weirded out that they had to leave.

Recent updates from a close source stated that Allen spotted Lambert signing autographs, replacing his Sharpie for Revlon. He was tackled.

Lambert is sueing Allen for hatecrime. Iraheta is set to testify.

Make Chinsky McCornstock's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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