Long Branch, NJ/ Hospital News - A man, far from a " normal" man, is resting comfortably today before commencing rehabilitation exercises after having the world's first "Penis Reduction" performed by noted plastic surgeon Alex "Tight Jaws" Johnson.
The man, who will be referred to as "DK" in this article and in all future medical journal studies in order to protect his identity, had lived a quiet, but yet eventful life in a small town located somewhere between Long Branch and Asbury Park, on the scenic New Jersey Shore.
Recent notoriety has come his way however, with the invention of the Internet, and the advent of cult hero Bargis Tryhol, The Man With The World's Largest Penis and his Publicist, Agent and Promoter Buck E. Wheat.
Tryhol has become a 'rock star' in certain circles because of his God given reproductive organ attributed to an abnormal birth defect, while some detractors say his remarkable size came from being an only child and spending most of his days in isolation learning 'to stretch a point.'
'DK', on the other hand shunned publicity, even when close golfing partners in the private club where he played, commented on his package, and thought he would be in the running to supplant Bargis for the World Title, a title that would bring more public attention to their club and hopefully attract more female members to their world class Tennis Facilities.
"DK", an unassuming man, but yet again not quite a 'normal' man in the penile sense of the word, decided he would not permit himself to become
a tabloid rock star.
"All my life I've had to deal with my Penis," he said modestly. "Sometimes it's been an advantage, like when I was in the Army and got leave in Puerto Rico,but other times it's been hard (sic)."
"I have to have all my jockey shorts custom tailored, and my clothes all have to have an extra long rise. On the golf course, it probably adds 5 shots to my handicap unless I tape it to my leg, which is awfully painful, especially when I bend over to retrieve my ball from the cup and all my blood rushes to my head!"
Another advantage according to DK is the fact his posture has improved." I was always forced to follow my dick around, leaning over to open doors for it, cupping my jewels to even get in my car, and being careful around the barbecue grill during the summer when I wore Bermuda Shorts!"
DK said his time in the rehab facility should last a week and consists of strenuous penis lifts, walking without the use of a tripod, combating attention deficit syndrome, and hand eye coordination when urinating.
He said he is looking forward to the baby oil massages, an activity confirmed by presiding rehab nurse and masseuse, Misty Virginia Johnson, no relation to the physician of the same name.
Meanwhile, Bargis is said to be relieved that his last remaining competition for the world's title has cut short his bid to overtake him in the Guinness Book of World Records. Buck has commented, however, that as an accommodation Bargis is now wearing shoe inserts to improve his posture and take 'a horrendous strain off his lower back!"
After the operation, since DK is an organ donor, the still pulsating 12" of love was wrapped in dry ice and transported by Virgin Atlantic Airlines on a 'Mercy Mission', for a famous UK Spoof Writer who had been on the donor recepient list since he 'was just a little wanker.' Attendants at the UK health clinic where the grafting took place said happily," the bloody fool is like a kid with a new toy...can't stop playin with it!"