Caracas, Venezuela/ Futbol News - Team Venezuela Owner, Coach and Manager Hugo Chavez is said to be exuberant today after acquiring the services of multi-talented rabble rouser and shit stirrer, Van Jones after Jones was finally expelled on multiple "Red Card" violations in the US.
"Jonsey is the last piece of my puzzle to complete my all Red Team, "chortled the mega maniac banana republic Czar and Narco Dictator.
Jones who had a checkered past, despite being named to Obama's All Time Great Socialist Team of Czars, was finally forced to leave the county after a national outcry from both sides of the aisle after the American public screamed 'outage' after numerous incidents of avowed Fascism and Anarchy while on the playing field of American Politics.
Team Obama Locker Boy Robert Gibbs, interviewed while cleaning up the Team Dressing room and sorting dirty jockstraps, was philosophical about the trade.
"Yes,we did lose the glue that kept our team together, but on the other hand, we're getting two promising rookie community organizers, and the $30m in Narco Cash is going to go a long way to help other embattled team members in the upcoming 2010 playoffs!"
According to ESPN polls Team Obama, coming off a lopsided season of victories is ready to be upset due to a lack of leadership, poor use of personnel, and a very flawed game plan now being exposed by previously outmanned foes.
Chavez, who has nationalized his nation's banks, the oil industry, fruit growers, the Cocaine Cartel, and has banned radio , tv stations and cell phone towers, said Jones would be put in charge of eliminating the last vestiges of dwindling dissent, including that of his ex-wife, who continues to claim Chavez is suffering from 'little dick' syndrome, recently defined on the Spoof and discovered inadvertently in the UK in a public loo frequented by a fervent football fan, also wearing red.
Jones, who is said to have exited the White House with a Golden Parachute approaching 10's of millions of TARP stimulus money, is said to be happy with the trade.
"Finally, " he reportedly said, " I'm in a country that appreciates me, and one in which I can truly be one of the Top Bananas!"
Los Vegas odds, just out today, lay 50-1 that Obama and Chavez will be sent to obscurity after 2010.