Written by Jordan Baugher
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Friday, 4 September 2009

image for Swine Flu to Infect 9 Billion
The mastermind responsible for the H1N1 virus.

Washington, DC - Epidemiologists working for the CDC have predicted that over 9 billion people will be infected this year alone by the H1N1 virus. Using computer models and sophisticated prediction methods, researchers have concluded that the number of infected people shall exceed the number of people on the Earth sometime around November.

"It's not a matter of 'if' but a matter of when," says CDC spokeswoman Hannah Jacobs.

While the H1N1 virus has been described by some doctors as less virulent than the common flu, the possibility exists that it could mutate and become more dangerous. According to one scientist, the virus 'could learn to open doors, operate small arms, and decimate the hard drives of computers vital to the nation's infrastructure.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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