PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong'il presented a letter he had written to the United Nations today announcing that "reprocessing of spent fuel rods is at its final phase and extracted plutonium is being weaponized."
Addressing the state-run press, he said North Korea is now capable of enriching uranium to a high degree to make weapons-grade material.
He also warned, "If some permanent members of the UNSC wish to test us, we will respond with newer, even more improved technologies.
"And now," said the reclusive communist throwback, "I stand here before you, and sign this document in your presence, so that you may witness this historic moment."
And with that, he clicked his pen and began to sign.
Halfway through the fourth character, feeble pressure from the decrepit old man's hand against the page snapped the pen's North-Korean-manufactured, retractable spring-loaded mechanism, launching the upper half of the pen directly into the Dear Leader's left eye.