Written by Ross Donovan
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Topics: Ireland, Tall

Wednesday, 21 July 2004

image for Kerry Mountain Moved
A tub of the controversial butter

Kerry, IRELAND -- A mountain of butter almost 1200ft tall, has been moved over to a site 12 miles away after a new brand called 'Move Over Butter' entered the butter mountain site to take up residence. The cheeky brand of butter forced its way onto the new site, with the former butter mountain having to take up residency on a sunnier site. There is local fears that the old butter mountain will not last long with direct sunlight, and this is especially of concern as the butter in question is not suitable for frying.

A spokesperson for Kerry Group, producers of 'Move Over Butter' said, "its no concern of ours that the old butter mountain might have difficultys. Its a very compeditive market and if our 'Move Over Butter' says move, you better listen and get the hell out of dodge". Locals are perplexed by the new 'Move Over Butter' mountain saying that they dont think its actually real butter but a mixture of sunflower oil, soya and butter fat. John Deasy, a local farmer is very angry with the forced removal of an old favourite saying, "this is an absolute disgrace to the grass roots of butter making and the pride of it. We have some big time charlie fake butter moving in our turf and ordering its elders around".

There are also concerns for the welfare of the local community after 7 people have already dissappeared and presumed dead. The group of 7 mountaineers decided to trek up the new mountain of 'Move Over Butter', but it is presumed they sank well into the softer texture of the new butter. Its makers say this is due to it being a spreadable butter but this has done nothing to aleviate the growing fears. There have been warning signs put up all around the mountain telling unsuspecting mountaineers that they risk butter drowning and high cholesterol.

The Kerry Group responsible for the 'Move Over Butter' have stated that the local fears are now generating a hate campaign against 'Move Over Butter', and have asked the locals to take down warning signs and "put up and shut up". Kerry Group also added "its actually low in saturates and high in poly unsaturates".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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