Written by Frank Miller
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Tuesday, 1 September 2009

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Ban Ki-Moon: Hellraiser

Global rock superstars UN arrived in the Arctic on the current leg of their World Climate tour and already frontman Ban Ki-Moon has created controvosy at a news conference.

"The cold here is screwing with my voice! If there's one thing global warming is good for and that's getting rid of all this snow and ice". He went on to say, "If all the snow was gone, there'd be better development oppotunities to build some tall buildings and carparks and some night clubs!" His rant continued, "This place is dead at night and it's dangerous with these giant white grizzly bear things roaming around, can't we do something about that?"

Global environmental agencies are unhappy with his comments but accept the Grizzly bear problem, "Ice errosion cause by the big bears walking around can be slowed if we were able get rid of them, possibly by airlifting them all to north africa."

Egyption Prime Minister Ahmed Nazif isn't so sure, "They already tried something similar with the penguins in South America and look what happened there!"

They died after eating poisonous frogs.

UN will be playing three nights in the arctic before moving on to Iceland. Moon's not happy with that either, "It's just a bunch of volcanos, who'd be dumb enough to live there?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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