America is in trouble today when a birthday gift to Israel, according to witnesses, totally bombed.
Spain and other countries attended Israel's birthday party yesterday, which started off with sweet treats but ended in savage violence.
"We were all having a great time after the cake and trifle was brought in", says Spain.
But trouble began when gifts were given one by one. Spain again, "France gave him Lego and Germany gave him a 24 DVD box set, I got him some roller blades."
Italy continues, "I got him a yo-yo that lights up when it goes round and he [Israel] was like 'wow thanks Italy!' and stuff. Then America wandered over and gave him this envelope and we were like 'wow gift vouchers' but we were wrong"
Italy was right, they were wrong, It wasn't gift vouchers at all but instead the detailed design plans of the infamous WWII Nazi death camp, Auschwitz.
India picks up the story, "The party mood evaporated, we were all in shock. Israel's mouth kept opening and closing. His mother turned to America's mother and asked 'What the fuck is this' and keeped asking if it was a fucking joke."
The UK was also present, "Everyone elses mums were like rabbits caught in the headlights; nobody moved. Israel's mother asked America's if they were both fucking retarded, America's mother leaped at her, at that point the party was over. We'd only been there 10 minutes.
Russia told us, "All he [Israel] wanted was Cludo and a remote controlled helicopter! I mean, floor plans for Auschwitz? When is that ever going to be a good present? America has always been the odd ball, you just never know what he'll do next."
Israel's mother told us, "I blame his parents. He's not coming next year, I mean seriously, stupid bitch, she pulled my fucking hair!"
Last year there was controversy when America's gift to Israel was a pair of socks belonging to Adolf Hilter sporting the swastika, in response to the criticism he replied, "They're a nice colour and they've got some history, what could be cooler than that?"