Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Ted Kennedy

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

image for New Kennedy Conspiracy Theory Gains Momentum
The hearse driver gave the special Teddy Kennedy salute

Chappaquiddick (Bridge Water Leggit) The death of Ted Kennedy may not have been due to natural causes, it has been suggested. The veteran senator may have fallen victim to the infamous Kennedy curse. Leading cancer specialist Dr Pat Pocock said "I read some reports on Kennedy's tumor and it's amazing. Under the microscope it looks just like a grassy knoll. And there was a book depository growing in his left lung. To be honest I couldn't say which one had actually killed him."

The possibility of foul play has caused much speculation as to who was responsible. The Automobile Association was quick to deny having any part in his demise. Spokesman Phil Edmonds said "Although Senator Kennedy crashed a car and ran away and left a young woman to die, we did not fire a tumor from the grassy knoll and we were never in the book depository in his lung."

Ulster Loyalist preacher the Reverend Ian Shoutingbastard was also quick with his denial. "NO SURRENDER TO THESE ALLEGATIONS! Just because he was an apologist for nationalist terrorism and that he was also a papist does not mean that we climbed inside the book depository in his lung or the grassy knoll in his head."

What is certain is that Kennedy's death means that he is unlikely to ever be President of the United States, although this never stopped Ronald Reagan.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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