Written by Jalapenoman
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Tuesday, 25 August 2009

image for Barack Obama Forces United Nations to Appoint Oprah Winfrey As Secretary General
ACORN is now in command of the U.N. Forces and they will wear the ACORN symbol.

Barack Obama, the popular President of the United States, forced the United Nations to appoint Oprah Winfrey as Secretary General. Ban Ki-Moon, current holder of the position, voluntarily stepped down from the office due to the group of ACORN stormtroopers in his office.

Obama justified the move based on several reasons:

  • In the rotation of continents, it was actually North America's turn when Ban Ki-Moon was selected.
  • The United States has historically provided over 90% of the overall U.N. funding and the U.N. headquarters are in New York City.
  • Oprah Winfrey helped buy him the election and making her "King of the World" was his way of paying her back.
  • His mandate of "change" included the whole world, not just his country.


As Secretary General Winfrey's first move, she placed the U.N. peacekeeping forces under command of ACORN. She also placed U.N.I.C.E.F. and U.N.E.S.C.O. (charitable organizations under the control of the U.N.) under the control of ACORN.

Winfrey also announced that, effective January 1st, the office of Secretary General will become known as "Supreme Chancellor of Earth."

Countries that oppose the new changes were threatened with the removal of all monetary aid by the United States and the United Nations. Furthermore, countries that opposed the changes were told that they would lose diplomatic immunity world wide for their ambassadors and embassy staffs.

At the hour of prayer, the new Secretary General commanded all persons in the complex to kneel and face Mecca in prayer.

There was no opposition to the change from any country in the Arab or Moslem world. Glorious displays of support for the move were made by the growing Moslem communities in all European capitals.

The only response from Israel was a brief message saying "We might as well all go to Masada again, because we're fucked."

Supreme Chancellor of Earth Oprah Winfrey approved this message.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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