Written by Morse
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Topics: The Spoof

Monday, 24 August 2009

image for One Star Bandit Forced into Emergency Surgery to Recover His Ass!
The Mark of Caine: Internet Pest Stuck in Elaborate Cyber Trap!

A local Australian internet literary critic was caught today in an elaborate honey trap prepared by a cabal of disgruntled Spoof Writers fed up with being dissed for their intellectual work.

Percey "Poison Pen" Bloodwaithe, his ancestors exiled from the UK more than a century ago for causing a riot at a Yorkshire Cricket Match with Scotland, had taken up residence in a local Australian outback village and seemed to be leading a "normal" life.

Percey, according to neighbors, the closest being just a hop and a skip down the outback, said he befriended orphaned Kangaroos, and was often seen sharing a eucalyptus leaf with his pet Koala bear at afternoon tea.

On Sunday, another side of Percey was discovered when his ass was found glued to a public toilet seat in the Cairns' Mall where he had been lured in an elaborate sting operation, by persons still yet unknown.

Preliminary investigations delving into his internet activities said Percey spent an inordinate amount of time in cyber space, and especially on the world famous humour site, The Spoof.com.

Lead investigator, Inspector Reggie Lewis, formerly of PBS fame in a leading detective series, now retired, said " With internet forensics we were able to determine that Mr. Bloodwaithe, known to Spoof contributors as "The Wrath of God", and informally as "The One Star Bandit" had been haunting the site for months."

Lewis went on to describe the internet harassment saying Bloodwaithe would stay up all night, high on Eucalyptus Weed panning writers on the site, and down rating even the most popular stories.

Inspector Morse, formerly Lewis's partner on the TV show before HIS retirement, said he had been retained by The Spoof to track down the villain, and his investigation had taken him to New Mexico, San Francisco, Denmark, Dubai, and as far has Thailand with no positive results except for a mild sexual affliction, and a few hangovers.

Morse claimed he was baffled with yesterday's new developments, and said no one he knew personally would have gone to such great lengths to trap the pesky Percey. Lewis says he remains skeptical.

Apparently, as the coppers put the pieces together, Bloodwaithe was lured to the public toiled after engaging in a month long forum correspondence with a contributor pretending to be bisexual. A rendezvous was set up, and Percey was to go to the mall toilet, sit down, and then tap his left foot 3 times as a recognition code.

Shortly after Percey took his position, he realized he had been duped, as the toilet seat had been baited with a fast drying contact cement, insuring that Mr. Bloodwaithe would henceforth be marked with the sign of "a true Asshole" in the words of Spoof Scribe Buck E. Wheat.

Mr. Boodwaithe and the toilet seat were removed from the public facility in front of an hysterical crowd of on lookers and taken to a local emergency toilet seat removal clinic where he was released after evidence photos were taken.

Morse concluded saying, "Well, Mates, this case is closed!" He added that surveillance activity in Thailand could now be discontinued.

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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