Written by Joe Cronin
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Topics: Obesity

Sunday, 23 August 2009

image for Former World's Fattest Man Vows to Reclaim Title

A former record breaker is attempting to regain his title after a bout of food poisoning cost him his crown. For over 10 years North Carolina resident, Bernie 'Big Gulp' Hickok could proudly boast to being the world's fattest man. However after falling foul of a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken his weight plummeted to 550 pounds, some 20 pounds short of his record-breaking best.

As a result the housebound hero lost his title to British rival Nigel 'No salads' Watson, who weighs in at 560 pounds. Against doctors advice the undaunted Hickok has embarked on a weight gain diet to wrestle the title away from the Englishman. He explained 'Like Nascar, it's a dangerous game we guys play. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone that's for sure. But if you love a cheeseburger and you're prepared to give it your all, there could be a career in competitive obesity for you.'

The former truck driver has enlisted the help the weight gain guru Oprah Winfrey and hopes to be back in the record books by Christmas. Watson meanwhile is content to play down his competitor's celebrity advice. 'Sure Oprah can put on weight as well as anyone but I don't need help. Well, I do need help to tie up my shoes and go to the toilet. But I don't need help to be fat.'

The two giants will face off at a televised weigh in on December 24th. The event dubbed 'The Rumble in the Stomach' will be held at the Stratosphere Hotel, Las Vegas near the all you can eat buffet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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