Written by Morse
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Topics: Language, English

Sunday, 23 August 2009

image for English Language Under Attack as Twats Go Bonkers!
Obama puts Millions to work editing offending books: Economy Now Saved!

Sly Twats masquerading as literary-social groups today declared a big victory in a battle most world citizens didn't know was being waged!

The Northern Ireland Human Rights Commission received an unconditional surrender from weak kneed politicians and education bureaucrats with a pledge to rewrite thousands of innocuous everyday English terms.

The banning of such phrases as "Gentleman's Agreement", "Right Hand Man","whiter than white" and "black mark", amongst other similarly accepted terms, will now be stricken from the written and spoken language.

The commission also received assurances that most public libraries would be shuttered as appointed "Word Czars" make a concerted sweep to remove the offending words and phrases from millions of historic as well as more modern literary efforts.

A spokesman for the group said books written in Latin were exempt as no one either understood or could read the ancient language, and everyone knew the Catholic Church would never slander anyone anyway, even inadvertently.

The commission went on to say that private collections of rare books were also subject to confiscation and being rendered "politically correct".

Rare book collector, and Football Columnist for the Yorkshire Herald in the UK, Skoob 1999 was more than slightly put out.

"The day those bloody fools try to take my books will be a dark day indeed, for I'll hit them around their knotty shit filled head, I will, Indeed!"

Those comments were edited for local publication and decency and now read: The day the commission borrows a few of my books will be slightly overcast with a chance of severe thundershowers and and heavy flooding."

Written communication in the Colonies has said to come to an all but complete stop as news editors, under threat from Government Word CZARS policing violations, are terrified.

A report leaked to the Spoof indicate just some of the monumental problems facing all english speaking citizens as they struggle to come up with word substitutes for:

  • "White Lightning"
  • Black American
  • Smokey Atmosphere
  • Ass Hole Doctor
  • Black Friday
  • Overcaste
  • Weenie Liberal
  • Dork

Early reports of book burnings are coming in with John Steinbeck's "Darkness at Noon", and Maritime adventure "Below Decks" being torched outright without proper review.

Meanwhile, presidential spokesman Robert Gibbs said the nation's unemployment dropped 24% with the hiring of 4.5M ACORN volunteers to vet all library books for offending Pictures. Text will be outsourced to Indian Contract Workers, thereby saving a few dollars.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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