President Barack Obama, firmly pointed his finger at his critics and blamed his recent plunge in popularity polls to incessant "bed wetting" amongst his House and Senate leaders.
"Let me make this clear, scrap that, LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR, this incessant whining and pissing about has got to cease!", a clear reference to his displeasure to the wavering, inept leadership being displayed by Democratic Congressional members whose popularity numbers are approaching the teens, and nearing "The Herbert Hoover" line....long noted and used as the political mark of total failure and electoral chaos.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going, they don't piss themselves," a highly agitated President said, unfortunately speaking without his teleprompters due to a potential electrical hazard caused by a pool of piss leaking from the vicinity of his chagrined spokesman, Robert "Pee Wee" Gibbs.
A spokesman for House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she hoped the sudden onset of incontinence would soon clear up, and had ordered a round of still untested antibiotics to to be administered at an afternoon Kool Aid and Cookie Strategy Session.
She had also ordered the immediate installation of DEPENDS diaper dispensers in all Congressional Rest Rooms as a "second line of defense", according to a spokesman for the Government Accounting Office (GAO), a mandate now being investigated by the the Inspector General (IG), as the son of Rep. John "Porkie" Murtha had received the no bid contract totaling tens of millions of dollars.
Attempts to interview several democratic leaders were unsuccessful as staff said they were under going treatment for Prostate Problems and were "continuinually on the RUN."
A Fox news reporter, trying to get more information from the President about the "spreading stain on our leadership" was told to "just hold your water, Bob will get back to you on that as soon as he finishes mopping up the floor!"