Publicist Buck W. Wheat, representing Bargis Tryhol, man with the largest penis, was shocked today to receive a Stop and Desist order from Attorney General Eric Holder prohibiting his client from being within 5 miles of any speaking engagement where Barack Obama may appear.
The order is in response to the liberal media shitting their pants at recent appearances where citizens legally authorized to carry arms appeared at political town hall events hosted by Democrats.
The cease and desist order claimed that Tryhol's reproductive organ qualified as an "Assault Rifle", or a weapon carrying multiple rounds capable of inflicting bodily harm, a claim vehemently denied by hundreds of satisfied Florida and Vietnamese women.
Wheat, on behalf of his client, counterclaimed that the "weapon" in question was semi-automatic in configuration and required a brief delay before his client performed a conscious act of "pulling the trigger".
Countless female fans of the infamous Tryhol rallied to his defense, and at a recent spontaneous outpouring of love at Orlando's Disneyland, defenders held signs proclaiming "Bargis....Weapon of Mass Satisfaction," and "Show me your Gun Bargis!", and finally, "Bargis doesn't shoot blanks!"
Supporters are said to include several married women involved in unhappy relationships with liberals from as far away as San Francisco.
The Government order also included additional restrictions to include provisions, called Petermarks, that also apply:
- Not allowed to approach Finance Chairman Barney Frank from Behind (this for Tryhol's Protection)
- Not allowed to be in eye contact with Nancy Pelosi until she completes her sexual addiction therapy in Beverly Hills
- Temporary ban from attending fudge packer events in San Francisco since he packs an "unfair advantage" in packing tools
Wheat says he claims he will appeal the order and appeal to the public using the same approach as the Obama Political Machine: internet appeals, town hall meetings, and TV commercials.
"My client is willing to show up at any town hall meeting, anywhere, anytime, with anyone, and put the evidence on the table....his weapon is not one of destruction but one of love and heavenly satisfaction....my client's penis speaks for itself, and what it says is 'here I am, warts and all....I am what I am, and if you can't accept it for what it is.....go FUCK YOURSELF."