Beijing, China/ Business Wear Daily - At a town hall meeting today embattled President Barack Obama took time out from taking a beating on his health care program to point out the positive economic effects of his recent appointment of Hillary Clinton, Sonja Sotomayor and Janet Napolitano which jump started the sagging Polyester Industry.
Working with three (3) teleprompters, in case one failed and he became lost for words, Obama read from a recent jobs information sheet stating that the Chinese Garment Trade had rehired 1500 pre school children to reopen their famed polyester pant suit factory. The factory had been shut down due to the economic crisis causing people to eat less, mudslides, an earth quake, and riots involving Tibet and the Dali Lama.
"Our stimulus package is obviously working, " he crowed smugly, " we are now putting lots of little people back to work!"
The President, gaining confidence, went on to detail the over 796 new jobs in the state of New Hampshire (ed.note 750 in state government), and the $2B in loans to Brazil to jump start off shore oil drilling (ed. note, not in my backyard) that would employ almost 15,000 Brazilians in the lucrative oil production market.
Obama went on to personally praise Clinton, Sotomayor and Napolitano for their public endorsement of the outsized, elastic waisted, hideous colored pants suits the trio favored.
A spokesman for the trio claimed that the suits, allegedly crafted from a newly developed "stealth fabric" enabled them to penetrate hostile environments, and basically pass unnoticed in a crowd causing as small a radar "Blimp" as possible.
Unfortunately they were unaware of another late breaking Chinese Product Recall that indicated the product only accentuated their dumpy butts and gave new meaning to the term "Toxic Assets" outlined by Secretary of the Treasury Tim "taxman" Geithner.
Meanwhile, three formerly idle container ships moored in Hamburg,Germany, were re-commissioned and dispatched to China to pick up a fresh shipment of the now in demand pant suits for discount retailers at Target, Wall Mart and The Dollar Stores. The North Korean flagged ships had been idled when the cost of shipping containers plummeted from $2100 to $300 due to the economic meltdown. Obama took credit for putting North Koreans back to work as well, and graciously took time to thank former President Bill Clinton as well for his humanitarian efforts.
Returning to Health Care, Obama brushed off questions regarding Government Health Care for Native Americans which was 60% underfunded, and the state of the Government run Veterans Administration Hospitals where at Walter Reed Hospital war veterans were subjected to peeling paint, rodents, inadequate care, and the lack of severely needed psychological counseling.
Instead the President pointed with Pride to the US Postal Service (ed note: $2.4 billion in debt), the cash for clunkers program (ed.note: Dealers going broke because the Government isn't paying them), and the success of the ACORN community action Census Takers being employed at $15 an hour even though individuals couldn't read or count past the number one (1). "preliminary reports from our ACORN employees indicate that our population now excedes 450 million,"he said proudly, "that's 150 million more that we can add to the tax rolls to pay for my programs!"
Fashion consultant, and sometime Spoof Contributor Madame Bitters commented recently in her blog after Hillary appeared in a lime green pants suit resembling the spinnaker on the good ship Buggerall, " Green.....a difficult colour, Green!"