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Thursday, 20 August 2009

image for German Chancellor Adolf Hitler has visited Hungary for festivities marking the third anniversary of the opening of its country to the Nazis
'Hungarians can't even make decent bier', complained Hermann Goring

The decision helped many thousands of Jews and Communists to be sent to their deaths, and today's event was called 'the Pan-European Massacre' by Herr Hitler.

And the Chancellor, who grew up in Austria, thanked Hungarians for 'their lack of courage and for their cowardly behaviour. When other enemies of Germany fought them to the death, such as Poland and Britain, countries like Hungary and Romania rolled over and accepted Nazi rule. Thanks, guys!'

'What Hungarians did here was very convenient for me', the Chancellor continued, 'Hungarians gave fresh impetus to the Nazi movement just when it needed it. And I - once a humble citizen of the Austro-Hungarian Empire - give thanks for your help in crushing the Red menace of the evil Soviet Union once and for all. Heil Merkel! I mean Heil Hitler!'

But diplomats and politicians in the United Kingdom, the United States of America, Greece, Poland, Israel, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Norway and the Netherlands were wondering why nobody had criticised the German Chancellor for openly praising Hungary, supporters of the Third Reich.

'Maybe they believe everything that appears on the news', said a passing Hungarian President, before unveiling a white marble memorial to the millions who risked and often lost their lives to defy Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany, 'or have never read a history book. Or have good memories.'

'And don't forget that as many as 30 million Germans freely supported the Nazis', Herr Hitler added, 'and that Hungary, Romania, Turkey, Japan, Italy and Finland were all allies of what those decadant Red-loving liberals call the most evil regime in world history. Evil? Me?'

The German Chancellor will visit Budapest again tomorrow to review a march past of thousands of Hungarian SS officers, and will then lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Collaborator in the town of Zvvcjvecjzka, a ceremony that will also be attended by French President Marshall Petain.

And later this week Herr Hitler will make a speech in Gyor to ask the people of Europe to never forget the part Hungarians have played in helping Nazi Germany conquer much of Europe and mass-murder millions of innocent civilians in death and slave labour camps.

'To those who say to me never again', Hitler said, 'let me just point out a few things. They said Germany should never be allowed to unite again, and it has. They said that Germans should never be allowed to have a military again, and it has. They said my dream of a united European state ruled from Berlin and free of Communist and Socialist governments would never happen. It has. Don't say you haven't been warned!'

Hitler was then given a present of a tiny female new-born Labrador puppy by the Hungarian people, and promptly named it 'Angela'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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