Bethleham West Bank-- A wooden bong that belonged to the Virgin Mary was discovered in an archaeological dig today in this ancient town. Positive identification was made by translating the Hebrew writing on the bong. The script read: 'Get your f*cking hands off my bong or my son Jesus will kick your ass!"
Archaeologists say this discovery sheds new light on the life of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the years after Christ was born.
"We know she liked getting stoned a lot. We know she was pretty trashy." said chief archaeologist Luc Yfer. Dr. Yfer is one of the world's greatest authorities on the BVM and spoke exclusively to theSpoof.com.
"She smoked weed morning, noon and night." said Dr Yfer. "It was probably postpartum depression, she never got any help for it." said the evil Frenchman.
The Virgin Mary also liked getting tattoos, eating bean dip and watching soap operas all day long. She also had rotten teeth and bad breath.
"She wasn't much of a mother! She just smoked weed and acted a lot like any other trashy, unwed skank. She had lots of boyfriends and probably had some VD too." laughed Dr. Luc Yfer.
The wooden bong will be sent to the French Museum in Paris. It will be displayed next to a training bra that once belonged to Jesus.
"Wow, Jesus had lots of "issues" at adolescence with his sexuality. Can't wait to tell you about that!" said the devilish doctor.