"What in the holly rolling golf ball is happening?" said Tiger Woods in the media tent shortly after losing the PGA Tournament, the seasons last major.
"I bust my ass all year, every year making this tour a success. Without me the PGA would just fade away, like the LPGA. And what do they do? They invite some Asian guy from the other side of the world to come and play, and I'll be damned if he don't beat my ass and take what should have been mine."
"I talked to the PGA commissioner afterwards and he said that this was just a huge mistake, that they were just being nice to Yang when they invited him," Tiger said. "But Yang can't speak English so he didn't know that I was suppose to win. So I guess I can't really blame him."
"Still, look at the way he behaved after making that shot from the fairway on eight-teen and then sinking the putt to win. Did you see him pumping his fist? Did you hear him screaming and running around the green? Who does he think he is anyways? And what was with him lifting up his golf bag like that? Anybody can do that. Next time I think I'll lift my bag and my caddie Stevie too. The showoff!"
"And what's with his name," Tiger said, " what the hell is a Yang anyway? Why do all those Asians have crazy names like Yang?"
No sooner had Tiger uttered those words than his mother, who was born in Asia, appeared with a bamboo stick in her hands.
"Asians?" she said, "You really think you're better than Asians, you little shit? Have you forgotten where you came from? Have you forgotten how you really got your nickname? Well, then I'll remind you. It's because of how I whipped your ass with bamboo stick when you misbehaved as a child. I'd whip you'd till you turn black and orange, black and orange, just like a tiger?"
Grabbing him by the ear, Tiger's mother then pulled him from the media tent, all the while whipping his ass with the bamboo stick.