Written by Jordan Baugher
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Monday, 17 August 2009

image for Kim Jong Il Commits 'Most Spectacular Suicide Ever'
This satellite image shows the devastation rendered upon the missile's impact.

Pyongyang, NK - Four minutes after a North Korean missile crossed into Japanese airspace, the United States Navy shot down the missile and launched a counterstrike, hitting Pyongyang with a tactical nuclear warhead.

Spokesman for the Defense Department Ron Andrews said, "Yeah, man, it was awesome. We watched it hit on this little screen and it was all like, ka-boom!"

A Navy engineer, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, "[Jong Il] wasn't hard to find. We just shot a nuke at the only house in North Korea with electricity."

The dictator's remains were identified afterwards, described as a 'charred, four-foot tall corpse wearing Nike sneakers.' Survivors of the blast were surprisingly unmoved by the death of their leader, with one citizen asking, "Do you have any food?"

China has expressed an interest in leasing the country, with plans to build a giant parking lot for its 1.8 billion citizens.

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