Written by matwil
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Topics: America, lockerbie

Friday, 14 August 2009

image for Lockerbie bomber 'to be released from The White House'
'It wasn't us that blew up a jumbo jet! Honest Injun!'

The American man responsible for the Lockerbie bombing, when PanAm flight 103 exploded above that Scottish Borders town in 1988 and killed 270 people, will be released from The White House in Washington D.C., USA.

Sources close to the guilty man said that he had had to remain in the White House since 1988, with little else to do apart from being elected President of the USA, but also to control all of the Presidents that followed him after his own term ended in 1993.

Katherine Flint, whose son died on the plane, said she was horrified that the terrorist could be released from Washington, and added that he showed no mercy for the people he had arranged to have killed both in the skies and on the ground.

'Any chance of him being allowed out of The White House makes me sick', she said, 'it was bad enough for him to kill so many innocent people just to try and frame Colonel Gaddafi in Libya. But then to send an innocent man to gaol for it and cover it up for decades is outrageous.'

'That man must be released immediately, and the guilty terrorist in America must now be tried in Washington. Everybody knows he did it, and everybody knows bombing after bombing was arranged by him, from Lockerbie to the World Trade Center, from the more recent fake terrorist bombs in London to IRA assassinations in England. Justice for the UK Families Flight 103!'

The alleged bomber himself had no comment to make about the timing of his forthcoming release, but his PR man, Barack Hussein Obama, made this statement from Constantinople.

'Let us not', he said, 'let democracy be the victim of the tragedy that unfolded across the skies in 1988, let us not keep getting gullible people to ignore all the evidence pointing towards the real culprit of the crime, a crime that will go down in history as one which Americans never had anything to do with.'

'Oh no, no no no, no no no no no no no, as if such a thing could be possible. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk for even hinting at such dastardlyness. The USA is run by lots of peaceloving Christians that help little old ladies across the road, and help tokens like me to cover up all of their dirty work for them. I mean help freedom and democracy flourish across the oil countries of the world, or rather across the world.'

'So please, people of wherever the heck I am today, please let us now frame a cartoon Libyan villain instead, one that even the Lockerbie victims' families believe has been framed, and please let Americans carry on bombing and murdering their way across the world, and let Americans believe it isn't happening due to being hypnotised by a piece of red, white and blue cloth. Thank you.'

But in Libya's capital of Tripoli, Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi said: 'Let the Americans try and make out that I placed those bombs on Flight 103. Hah! Like their great showman Sir Philip P. Barnacle once said, never believe anything until it's blamed on me three times by the Pentagon.'

The mental age of an average American voter has recently risen to eight years old. The one of American Presidents is now up to 12.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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