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Topics: Universe

Thursday, 13 August 2009

image for Albert Potter V The Universe

In the high Court, today, a decision was reached in the case of Mr Albert Potter versus The Universe.

Mr Justice Fingers, presiding, said that in the light of recent scientific evidence he had no option but to find in favour of Mr Albert Potter.

Sir Henry Flog, Q.C. for the Universe put forward Einstein's theory...That no particle can be given enough energy to travel faster than the speed of light...therefore no faster than light particle can exist...as the basis of his legal arguement.

However Mr Potter's legal team showed that recent experiments in the Hadrons Collider had revealed a charged particle known as (Albert Potters) Tachyon which when created was not only faster than the speed of light but travelled at infinite speed.

In 1999 Mr Potter's colleagues at the Department of Science had bought him the title to a charged particle as a novelty retirement gift. The court entering into the spirit of the gift stated, in good humour, that as all particles were known and accounted for they could only grant title to a single particle with the stipulation that it must travel faster than the speed of light ...this was duly granted.

Mr Potters legal team then showed that the recently discovered tachyon had infinite speed and as such all time would lose it's relevance for it...therefore the particle would be everywhere at the same time..It would then follow that if the particle could be everywhere at all time then there could only be the one particle....any other particle recorded would be identical as it was one and the same.

The legal team then went on to prove that therefore Mr Potters Particle had gone on to create the Universe .

This submission was accepted by Mr Justice Fingers who ruled that as Potters Particle had created the Universe and Mr Potter could lay legal claim to the particle then he was in fact owner of the Universe.....in a further ruling he also stated that as the particle had infinite speed from the moment of it's creation in the Big Bang it must have travelled to the end of the Universe and back an infinite number of times..Therefore what had happened...what is happening and what is about to happen were the cause and effect of Mr Potters Particle.

As such Mr Potter owned the past, the present, and the future..

In a further twist Mr Justice Fingers said that for Mr Potters Particle to be recorded it had to emit energy in the form of light...therefore as light was the by product of Mr Potters Particle

Then Mr Potter was also the owner of light.

Outside court Mr Potter said he was happy with the verdict.

And when asked if he had any immediate plans for the future he replied..'Apart from the dissolution of the appeals system and attending Mr Justice Fingers coronation I'm looking forward to a nice cup of tea. ...though from now on I would prefer to be addressed as Supreme Being, Master of the Universe, and Giver of Light..Apart from the wife who may call me 'Exalted Albert'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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