Written by Mr. Staypuf
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Topics: Hillary Clinton

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

image for Hillary Clinton Outburst Not Silent, But Deadly
Reporter Prepares To Ask Secretary of State a Question

Hillary Clinton cleared the room after ripping off a chord on the butt tuba during a question and answer session in the Congo. The toxic release apparently occurred after a Congolese student was misinterpreted as asking what her husband, Bill, thought about China's growing influence. In response, Mrs. Clinton reportedly lifted her leg, and let loose an anal volcano with a lethal cloud so foul, the entire building was evacuated. A flash fire apparently started on-stage, but was quickly extinguished.

Eye, ear and nose witnesses report that after acknowledging the question, Mrs. Clinton responded, "Wait, I'm not going to be channeling my husband...but I WILL channel this!" Adjusting herself in the seat, Mrs. Clinton responded with anal thunder that rattled the windows. A live radio broadcast suggests it was initially thought to be heavy machine gun fire, which had people diving under their seats until the commentator responded, "GOOD LORD! What's that SMELL...???" While describing the green fog drifting towards the crowd, mayhem could be heard in the background with shouts of "My eyes," and "It BURNS, it BURNS!"

Several dozen people were overcome by the fumes and had to be hospitalized overnight. Scores of others remain in critical condition with injuries ranging from chemical burns to concussions. While it is agreed that Hillary should be allowed to toot her own horn without having to constantly be compared to her husband, Bill, it is also agreed that she probably shouldn't have popped off a bun shaker like that in public.

"A blast on the butt bugle of that magnitude probably should have waited until she was off-camera," said one reporter who declined to be identified. One observer expressed amazement that Mrs. Clinton didn't COMPLETELY expel her colon. "It sounded like the five note progression the Mothership used in Close Encounters of the Turd...I mean THIRD Kind," he noted from his hospital bed, recovering from busted eardrums. Fortunately, travel disruptions were at a minimum, but, it took several hours to clear the building of noxious fumes. Cadaver dogs training at a nearby military base had to be forcefully restrained after mistaking the area for a mass grave. Hillary apologized after the incident, blaming the outburst on fatigue and cheese whiz, and promised never to step on a duck like that again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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