Atlantic Ocean - (Fishy Tales Mess): A leading Spoof writer and self-proclaimed Brest-man is the top suspect behind the seizure of a 3,988-tonne Russian cargo ship, the Arctic Sea Marie Celeste.
The cyberspace-registered vessel was carrying a £100m payload of sawn-off shotguns from Finland to Algeria when it was snatched.
Interpol reckons an unknown hit-squad in the fishy waters off the Balltick is responsible after the highjacked carrier was spotted off the coast of Brest, northern France, shortly after midday.
"We immediately googled 'Pirate', 'Brest' and 'WTF?' and came up with SatNav directions to BuckwheatsButt's Spoof avatar," investigators commented.
How the captured vessel managed to slip through the heavily-moderated choppy waters of English Channel is a mystery.
Somali pirates are all holidaying in St Tropez.